Has anyone been ghosted by friends or family since cancer?
Elizabeth Cleveland
・
32 months ago at 7:56 PMAugust 12, 2022 at 7:56 PM
Ever since I got cancer I have been really surprised to find out who my "real" friends are. Some of the people who I thought would be my backbone in supporting me through all of this are nowhere to be found, but on the bright side I have also had a number of friends and family members who have really stepped up. Wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.
15 comments
Last activity by Mary Foti,
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this. I know how hard it is. I had several friends ghost me when I had breast cancer. One of them had been a dear friend of mine for 30 years, and when I told her I needed a mastectomy, she acted really strange and wasn't very nice to me. I was confused, and then she blocked me on social media and never spoke to me again. She herself went through breast cancer before I did, and she was the last person I thought would abandon me, but she did. I was devastated, hurt and angry for a long time. I saw a therapist who was really helpful. He said with what Ashley said in an earlier comment -- my friend simply couldn't handle what was happening to me, and it probably triggered a lot of anxiety and fear about her own disease. The only way to protect herself was to detach herself from me entirely. It has been hard to process that loss, but I simply had to accept it wasn't my fault and that I had no control over it. On the other hand, some complete strangers, other friends and family members really stepped up to support me, and that was a blessing.
0 RepliesI completely agree with you about how isolating Cancer is. This ghosting is painful. It is also especially hurtful when a Local Cancer Community of Doctors and therapists and even neighbors completely ignore my Cancer diagnosis and are not kind. And some neighbors have become even more abusive towards me. I get told a lot of sarcastic comments when I try to get treatment things like, "oh, I didn't realize You're the Patient?"- they talk to me like nothing is wrong with me. My hair has been falling out by the handful and noone cares. So much struggle just to get up and walk. Noone cares. It is painful and hard to push a heavy grocery cart. Noone cares. Everything is so difficult! The trauma, pain and the crying is so painful. It all feels purposeful-like these people are waiting for me to die. And I don't. But they are pretending I'm not alive. Pretending I am already gone. To be ignored and turned away from support and caring by relatives and where I live has been devastating.
0 Replies
Yes I have as well. So sorrry you're experiencing this. You're not alone!
0 Replies
Both my mom and I went through this when my sister was diagnosed. Especially with kids with cancer, people just don't even know what to do or how to help, so they disappear. Now I swear to be there for alll my friends, no matter WHAT they go through.
0 RepliesYes, it makes me feel like I am contagious or something.
0 Replies
Letap that is terrible! There is no such thing as a good cancer! Sorry people are so dumb.
0 Replies
TC is regarded as the ‘good cancer’ so ppl tend to shrug it off. Little do they realize for many of us it will be a lifelong challenge without a thyroid. It’s especially challenging in the first year. Yeah, my dad’s side totally acted as if I barely had a cold. One aunt & her dad on that side actually spoke to me about it and said they were here for me if I needed anything. My moms side was more caring and supportive. Some friends who knew would check in on me. Work was not as warm & supportive. My direct manager and boss were supportive work-wise, but a few others treated me certain negative ways because I was working from home(during covid). & after returning, some still mistreated me.
0 Replies
I agree with Carlee- such a great point. I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt
0 RepliesSometimes I've found people don't say anything at all because they're afraid of saying the wrong thing. My mom got especially frustrated with this during her treatments and decided to stop sharing about her journey with many friends. I think it can be really helpful just to know that the people you care for are still there for you even if they don't have all the right things to say.
0 Replies
So sorry that this has been happening to so many people.
0 Replies
I also think a lot of people are not ok so adding to their already heavy load may be too much. Be kind to yourself and others. You never really know what is happening for them. I’m not making excuses but that is what I have seen
0 RepliesYes. Cancer is a very isolation disease unfortunately. Most of the time we feel very alone
0 RepliesI didn't experience this but because I looked fine on the outside ppl also thought I was fine on the inside both physically and emotionally but I wasn't. This group helped me realize I wasn't crazy. The entire experience has taught me to show up more for ppl. Even if I don't know what to say or do.
0 Replies
In my own experience I've found that a lot of times friends or family aren't able to process their own emotions and therefore aren't able to have the emotional bandwidth to be there when you need them. I agree with Janet that the issue isn't anything you've done, but it's most likely just that the other person wasn't able to cope.
0 RepliesYep. This really bothered me at first, and then I realized that the issue wasn't me, it was that my friends / family weren't able to process or cope with what was going on, so the best thing they were able to do was stay silent. Our burden can be too heavy for many to cary.
0 Replies